Wednesday, April 20
i'm sad. :( drowned my sorrows in a tub of ben and jerry's, but i guess my sorrows are un-drownable. it's quite sad to see everyone's dreams coming true, and knowing that yours can never be. i know why they aren't, but i'm such a stubborn mule i don't want to change the situation.. yet.
on the phone for hours at a time.. has your voice changed, or is it a trick of the line? all alone, i'm losing my mind, wondering what you'll be doing tonight. i still feel you holding me, clear as the day we said goodbye. words can change so easily, when they cross a million miles. hand on your heart, heart on your sleeve.. are you telling me, when we're apart you still believe we are meant to be? even if you say the words you know i long to hear, i wanna be sure, so tell me once more, hand on your heart.. losing sleep, can't take anymore.. tired of wondering if you really miss me at all.. i just need to be reassured. if you love me, what're you waiting for? i still feel you holding me, clear as the day we said goodbye. memories fade so easily, but am i still in yours like you're in mine? hand on your heart, heart on your sleeve.. are you telling me.. when we're apart you still believe.. we are meant to be. even if you say the words you know i long to hear, i wanna be sure, so tell me once more, hand on your heart. i still feel you holding me.. telling me love will always be.. don't know if i can wait.. until i see your face.. i need you to tell me.. hand on your heart, heart on your sleeve.. are you telling me, when we're apart you still belive we are meant to be.. tell me please.. hand on your heart.. are you telling me when we're apart you still believe we are meant to be.. even if you say the words you know i long to hear, i wanna be sure, so tell me once more.. hand on your heart. --steps--
i don't know how to say this, and maybe i shouldn't. not now, not yet, maybe not ever. it's not in my place. but i could shoot myself. i could have had something, but i let it slip through my fingers and now i have nothing at all. how odd, that i should think of it now. i never did before. and no one has any clue what i'm talking about. har. every day i detest me more and more. i scared someone playing with my penknife today. i wasn't even doing anything much. just flicking it about during pw.
econs was screwed. who gives a damn.
i've got piano soon. i'm scared for the block test in july cos my econs is screwed. hc math is apparently very very hard. there's a hell lotta history. lit is - well. there are so many people better than me. and the whole of june seems to be taken up with camps and courses and well - cca. some juniors have been telling me they want to do testwork during june, after their midyears.. and i can't say no, because i'm the damned ya. i can't very well say ohh i need to study for my own exams, they're 20% of my promo marks. i wonder about sa and sr. if mich's and sam's block tests aren't counted then they'd better take over. sigh. rj's block tests don't count. i feel so insecure, i'm still trying to get used to hist and econs... and honestly, i suck at econs. i should have done bio chem lit math. too late now. they're all right, somehow. who does arts when her sciences were straight a's and her humance wasn't?
it must've been love.
4:17 pm
xoxo
